Time Is Flying

Time Is Flying

     It seems like just yesterday my wedding was 40 days away, now here we are, 13 days away from getting married. A lot of people I work with, hell even family members, are asking if either of us are getting cold feet. The answer? Not at all. We’re both very exctied, though J wishes we’d just do a court marriage like we originally planned. I think he’ll be happy we did a real wedding after the fact, he’s just nervous about all the people being there.

     I’ve been counting down the days since we set the date a few months ago. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy and excited about something before. I’m litterally going to be marrying my best friend in the entire world in 13 days. Everything is set and ready to go, all that’s left is the wedding actually happening.

    The only thing I’m worried about is something going wrong. Mostly I’m worried that my dad and grandfather might get in a fight there. My dad promised to behave himself but I’m still a little worried he wont since when I was a child he was never able to. He’s been doing better now so I’m going to trust him, hopefully he doesn’t break that trust. Plus that doesn’t mean my grandfather will behave, he usually doesn’t talk all that much but I honestly don’t know him all that well.

    Also I’m a little worried my cousins boyfriend (who she invited against my wishes) will do something. He’s very immature even though he’s about to be 30, he honestly reminds me of a middle schooler. Plus I already hate him because it’s the same guy who kissed my ex girlfriend at the library once right in front of me when I was a sophmore in high school. If he does anything though I’m having him kicked out, I don’t care if my cousin will leave if  do. I don’t need to have her be my brides maid, I’ll just have one of my friends fill in if I have to.

    Maybe after the wedding I’ll reveal who I am and post pictures from the wedding. You’ll find out afterwords if I do. Until then, bye!

My Birds

My Birds

     On my 13th birthday I purchased my very first bird, an albino parakeet that I named Andy. I loved that bird, and I almost always had his wings clipped. My mom said I had to because he was from a pet store so he wasn’t tamed and that it would be the only way he would let us hold him. Though now that I”m older and know much more about birds now I don’t fully believe that. Looking back at it now Andy was always really friendly and loved attention, he loved bath time and snuggles after bath time. He only didn’t like going to my one sister D; but most animals don’t like her either way.

      Now I have two different birds that share a cage, an almost 2-year-old female cockatiel that just laid 3 eggs (that wont hatch seeing as she’s never been with a male cockatiel), and I have a male parakeet; I don’t know his age though because I got him from a pet store.

     They both have very different personalities, as most birds do. Sky is a huge personality in a very small body, he loves to scream and sing and he’s very active. He loves to fly around the room, run, climb, and just flap his wings. Stitch on the other hand, she likes to be very quiet,except early in the earl morning where she screams to let you know it’s early in the morning. She’s also very relaxed a lot of the time, her favorite place in the entire world is the shoulder. She will sit there as long as you allow her to and just preen herself, and sometimes preen your hair or face. She’ll fly around for a few seconds if prompted to but she’s not all that interested in flying.

      Two things they both seem to enjoy? Car rides and the outdoors. I’ve been doing research on clipping wings and birds and last night I’ve finally came to a decision. J and I had his mom clip their wings; she showed us how to do it so we can do it ourselves next time. Sky (the parakeet) can’t fly at all now, he falls right to the floor when he tires. He seems to be a little calmer now and he’s a lot easier to handle now that he can’t fly. Stitch, she can still fly perfectly fine, but she doesn’t do it often so it’s not that big of a problem. I only had her wings clipped also to help calm Sky down and just incase she gets away from us when we take her outside (though we use a harness with her either way). Sky we aren’t going to use a harness, just take her outside by herself. I did research and it’s perfectly fine as long as you keep a close eye on them and you’re confident you can either catch them or they’ll come back to you. It’s easy to catch Sky when he gets away plus he comes to J when he whistles and calls his name so we have that covered.

     The only reason we’re still going to use a harness on Stitch is because we don’t trust her. She doesn’t come back to you, flies away if you try to get her, and she bites. Now this doesn’t happen often but since it’s a problem we have with her and she can still fly we’re playing it safe. I just don’t trust her as much as I trust Sky. We’re actually taking them hiking today at a state park nearby our home. I’m really excited since we’re also having a picnic together while we’re there. I even brought a bag (it’s well ventilated and big enough for both of them to sit comfortably) that just incase they get to overwhelmed to put them in for a few moments to help them calm down; or if there’s a problem with a predator or anything like that. Gotta be careful and take care of my babies.

Movie Theatres & Aspergers

Movie Theatres & Aspergers

Lets just get one things clear: I HATE MOVIE THEATRES!

     Okay so I’m not writing this saying it’s the same for everyone with aspergers, I’m talking about my own personal experience & as anyone else who has the same problems due to their aspergers. Now that’s out-of-the-way let’s get started.

      I was about 10 years old the first time I went to the theatres to see a movie, 14 or 15 the second time, 16 the third, 18 the fourth, and 18 the last two times I went. That’s just counting going to see actual movies. I also went a few times in ones inside museums for school trips, those were worse than regular ones: my groups always ended up having to leave because I was become hysterical.

       First off the lighting in the general building, it’s off-putting. It’s either way to bright or it looks like it’s flickering, or it’s really dim. The entire place reeks of popcorn, it’s almost suffocating. I’m really sensitive to smells, and that really gets to me, I actually gag a lot because I can barely handle the smells. The bathrooms, they just don’t seem clean so I refuse to use them, I don’t know why, no matter how clean they look I don’t feel safe in the bathroom.

      If it’s busy it’s even worse. J and I recently went to go see the new IT movie (I really procrastinated on writing this), I loved the movie, hated the experience. Lots and lots of people, way to many. We had to sit next to other people, and even though I was on the aisle seat it still bothered me. No matter what way I looked I saw more people.

    The room you watch the movie in? Forget it, the volume for the movie is way to loud. I get a headache before the movie even starts, and I sometimes can’t even concentrate on the words. You know how the aisle has those little lights on the floor so you can kinda see where you’re going if you get up during the movie? I fucking hate those things, they distract me. I always end up trying to count how many lightbulbs are inside of it. Let’s not forget the people who talk during the movie, even if they whisper it still bothers me a lot.

      I always end up rocking in my seat, sometimes I scratch my arm, other times I bring something with to play with in my hands. Just depends on if I thought a head or not.

Thoughts On Our Future

Thoughts On Our Future

     Work doesn’t require me to do a lot of thinking so I kind of just go off into my own world. I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I’ll most likely never be a mother and what that would do to J and my lives later on. Our entire relationship we’ve always talked about having kids one day, and as you guys know we were almost successful before. The thing is, now I have more information so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be trying to have kids ever again. Who knows though, maybe when we’re older they will have something that could help with my double mutation.

      We’ve talked a little bit about other options, like adopting, foster care, maybe a surrogate (we got rid of that idea real fast after reading some things about that option though). We’re pretty young so maybe our minds will change in a few years, but as of now we don’t want to adopt or do foster care. I’m honestly not even sure if we’d get approved for foster care since we both have a documented history of mental illness along with my aspergers. Maybe things will change in a few years, but that’s out decision at the moment.

      So as of right now since things look like we aren’t having kids, how do we see our lives going? Well lets talk about some of the bases, we are saving up for a mobile home; that’s kinda been the plan since the beginning but we have briefly talked about getting a house before. After getting our own mobil home we’re going to get some pets of our own, a few dogs and maybe a cat or two. I know for a fact we’re going to get a black lab, I grew up with one and it was the most sweet & loving dog I’ve ever met and I just love the breed. We might get a husky or a pug, we haven’t really decided, I defiantly want a maincoon (a type of cat that gets really big). I’m thinking about getting a turtle or fish- J has been talking about parrot fish a lot lately and I think I want to surprise him with one when we get our own place.

      I want to get at least a two bedroom mobil home, that way if we decide to have kids we wont have to find a new place, there’s already a room available. Until we have kids, or if we stick with the not having any, the second room will be a guest room. It’ll be used for our future nieces and nephews, and my little sister A (since she’s only 11 right now).

      One upside to no kids? We’ll be able to have sex where ever we want in the house. Plus I wont have to worry about J stopping the DD/LG play if we don’t have kids. Once we have our own home I’m going to try to get J to try some new BDSM stuff we haven’t tried before, or just haven’t done since we stayed in a hotel for a few days a year ago. I really want to try “humiliation” punishments once we have our own place (I’m going to bring it up on our honeymoon and possibly try it then). I’m also thinking, since we wont have kids we’ll be able to do more things together & have more money. Once J finishes paying off his debt (almost there btw!) and we live on our own we can basically do whatever we want. We’ll be able to go away on weekends (camping!) or just walk around the house naked / have sex anywhere (he can bend me over the kitchen counter and fuck me whenever he wants!).

      I’m still really upset about not being able to have kids, but at least it’s not all bad. I prefer to have kids to all this, but since it’s not really in our cards, mine as well look at the bright side.

Laid Eggs

Laid Eggs

     So I have a female cockatiel that will be turning two very soon, and a male parakeet that I have no idea the age of. The last two weeks my cockatiel has been acting really funny and I suspected he was going to lay an egg. Well I was somewhat right, she laid an egg well two actually.

     I never knew that cockatiels laid eggs when they weren’t fertilized, but apparently they do. I read that there are ways to discourage it so I’m going to try some of them out. This time I’m just going to leave the eggs in the cage until she loses interest in them, if that doesn’t work next time I’m going to sneakily poke a hole in the eggs and put them back in the cage. If that doesn’t work I guess I’ll have to do more research.

      I know that it’s mean to do that but I don’t really have the money to be able to pay for a vet that works with birds, so if she were to start egg binding; she’s fucked. I lost a bird to egg binding before, a parakeet that was actually laying a fertile egg. I love my cockatiel so much and would be devastated if I were to lose her so I’m just going to try to keep her from laying eggs, hopefully it works, if not, hope she doesn’t start egg binding.

Weed Vs. CBD oil & gummy bears

Weed Vs. CBD oil & gummy bears

       I noticed a few differences since J and I switched from smoking weed to vaping CBD oil and taking gummy bears. I know that the CBD oil comes from the same plant, but it’s very different at the same time. I don’t know much about the details, J knows all that; he’s the one who did the research and decided on the switch.

       I absolutely love the CBD way more than I like smoking weed. First off, I don’t have this weird cotton feeling in my head the next morning with the CBD oil like I do when I smoke weed. I’m also able to think a lot easier, my thoughts don’t get all mixed up like I do when I’m high. I just feel calm and it really helps me sleep, and it’s a real sleep; I don’t feel heavy and I don’t wake up constantly during the night. When I smoke weed I fall into this sleep that makes me feel heavy and I wake up off and on all night.

         I don’t do it that often though, same as how I didn’t smoke weed that often. Though if I”m being honest I do this a little more than I did weed, but it’s like maybe once a week, sometimes twice if I’m having a hard week. Oh I almost forget, it helps me with my back pain, a lot better and faster than ibrophen. Whenever I complain about my back hurting J gives me two or three of the gummy bears and the pain goes away after a while, best thing is that I fall asleep and when I wake up it still doesn’t bother me.

       We still have a little bit weed in our hiding spot but honestly I don’t think it’s going to be smoked anytime soon. J also likes the CBD a lot more than weed. This also helps with my anxiety a lot better than weed ever did. I honestly don’t know how to explain how it really makes me feel. The weed did make me feel better than when I wasn’t smoking it, as in I wasn’t having much back pain and it stopped my anxiety. The thing is though, the CBD; that really helps. It makes it all feel better without making me having a cotton feeling in my head, and it’s easier to think with this instead of when I smoke weed and my head gets mixed up a little.

My New Job

My New Job

     I love my new job, it’s amazing. Today was my second official day working; Monday and Tuesday I had orientation. If you didn’t know, I’m a picker at a warehouse now, we pick things for stores. Yesterday I pick 54 tags for one store, It took me until after my lunch to finish it. After I finished that I started another store that had 85 tags, I got 40 of them done before I had to leave.

      Today I did so much better, I did three stores! I wanted to do a fourth store; but since I’m new to the job I’m not really allowed to stay after 3:00. They had me cleaning up empty boxes since everyone likes to just leave them sitting around taking up space. I accidentally stayed until 3:36 because there’s no clocks and I forgot my watch this morning, I got so into my work I didn’t realize it was so late. No one said anything to me so I don’t think it’s going to be a problem.

      The only problem I have with this job is that there’s only one clock in the entire building. The clock is in the break room and it’s not a digital clock, which makes it even worse! Just to explain I literally cannot read those clocks, I’ve been taught how to read them more times than I can count it just doesn’t stick. Tonight I’m going to get ALL my stuff for work tomorrow together so I don’t forget my watch again. Not being able to read the only clock in the building has made it really difficult to fill out my paperwork that records all the work I’ve been doing, so I defiantly need to take my watch with me.

      For once in my life I actually enjoy my job, I know it’s weird but I really do. There’s routine and it’s simple, full of order, it’s just perfect. This is literally the perfect job for my autistic ass (joke obviously). I never thought I would enjoy a job and be excited to go to work, but here I am, enjoying my job and being excited for work.

       ALSO!!! While at work, I’m not anxious. Usually at my jobs, or school, I’m afraid to do things without constantly asking for reassurance, at this job I feel confident and I have no problem doing my job. I know that I’m just going to get better with time, this is the kind of job I needed! I can’t believe that I didn’t try for this kind of job before and that I was so reluctant to get it.