Today’s Thoughts

Today’s Thoughts

     The interview went pretty well, I think. They said that they’ll call me back this week when the hiring manager is there, and that I seem like I’m a very friendly person and hope to see me again. I can’t tell if she was saying that because they want to hire me or because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, I’m going to stay hopeful though! I really don’t want to go back to Wal-Mart… Chick-fil-a was my very first choice so I’m really excited, and I really hope that I got it, I looked them in the eyes, talked to them, told them about what I do at my current job and what I did at my old job. She seemed to like me so hopefully They hire me, I’m very motivated for this job and I plan to work there for a while, I hear it’s a good place to work and I like working in fast food a lot more than I do at Wal-Mart.

     J and I both kinda have baby fever, his is obviously not as strong as mine, but he has it. The other day he sent me a video he was watching of a baby getting excited over a cat. We talked a little bit about what’s gonna happen when we have a baby and when I’m pregnant. We even decided on a new nickname for the baby until we find out what sex the baby is; the nickname is going to be little creature. I’m really hoping this time it works out, I want us to start a family, so does J; at least he says he does.

     I’m having these cravings, all I want to eat is french toast, mashed potatoes, and my moose tracks ice cream. I also kinda want to have cheese pizza, maybe a cheeseburger. I think the french toast and the ice cream is at the top of my list. I don’t even know why I want it so bad, but I feel like I could just eat a whole loaf of breads worth of french toast. I also feel like I could eat the whole carton of the moose tracks ice cream. I don’t usually crave foods like this, so it’s kinda weird, who knows; maybe I’m pregnant? Who knows.

     J and I are doing a little more of the BDSM like I wanted, it’s pretty amazing. I love it when he actually gets in dom/daddy space, it’s amazing and fucking sexy. The other day when I came home he made me get on my knees and give him a blow job while looking up at him. It was literally the sexiest thing he’s ever made me do, I hate giving blow jobs but when he made me do it, I liked it a lot. Then he fucked me while choking me among other things. I loved it, I’m really hoping that it continues.

     Last week J and I went to the zoo with my mom and my youngest sister A. It was absolutely amazing, they had so many birds! I love birds with all my heart, and I even found a cute macaw stuffed animal in the gift shop that I bought. It looked exactly like the one macaw they had, I fell in love with it. There was a really sweet cockatoo there that gave me kisses and kept saying hello to me and let me pet it. They also had a donkey there that cried if you walked away after petting it, and a bear sitting in a tub, and the wolves started howling out of nowhere.

     Also my mother, God I can’t stand her. She took me off her health insurance, and told me I had to reapply, which I understand, but the thing is… I asked for help multiple times, and she keeps saying she’s to busy to help me. Well yesterday, I had a break down because of it. She called me early in the morning and told me I needed to get it done, and was being really mean to me because I didn’t have it done yet, I asked for help and she told me she was busy. So I asked my aunt to help me when she comes home from her vacation. Today she called me asking why didn’t I just let my mom help me yesterday. Turns out she called my mom asking her why I didn’t ask her, my mom told her she offered to help me yesterday; she didn’t offer me help anymore, just told me I have to get it done then hung up on me. Now my aunt thinks I’m a liar, I don’t understand why anyone listens to her she lies all the time.

Yesterdays Adventure

Yesterdays Adventure

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     Yesterday I talked my mother into going hiking with my two sisters, J, and I. Looking back at all the rocks I had to climb, and the water when we went over to the waterfall, it probably wasn’t a good idea. I’m so freaking clumsy, I hit my head on a rock when J and I were exploring a small little cliff under the main cliff. I also almost fell at least twelve times, if not more.

     I enjoyed my time though, J and I did a lot of climbing and took a ton of pictures. We even climbed up to the top of the waterfall and sat next to it for a little bit. I absolutely love hiking and climbing, I’m really going to miss this when I’m too pregnant to take those risks. At least I’ll still be able to do normal hiking, just no more climbing cliffs and waterfalls.

     The waterfall was absolutely beautiful, so was the cliffs. Being around all the nature is so refreshing when there isn’t much around where you live. Especially if you grew up in the middle of nowhere, around woods and creeks. If I’m being honest, I really miss that part of living in PA. I feel more at home where I live now though, even if I’m not always around nature. This is where I met J, where I found out I’m autistic, where I found out I’m pregnant, this is where we came when we left my father. I feel safe here, it’s in a different state than my rapist. So this is my home, I’ll just have to deal with having to drive out to be around nature.

     I haven’t felt as good as I did yesterday. I haven’t been hiking at all since winter started, I seriously needed that exercise. Though now my knee is really bothering me like it does after I walk for to long, that something I should probably get looked at. J and I are defiantly going to go hiking a lot more often, it’s something we both enjoy that involves getting us out of the house. I also want to take our baby hiking, let the shit see the outside a lot, get them into hiking so they’ll enjoy it as they get older.

     We’ll have to bring the bird with from now on though, when it’s warm outside. My mom wouldn’t let me bring my bird with, cause she wasn’t sure if she would want to go to a store afterwords. I feel bad, cause it was really nice out yesterday and my bird really would’ve enjoyed it. That’s the whole reason I bought her a harness and leash, so I could take her hiking with us.