Today’s Thoughts

Today’s Thoughts

     The interview went pretty well, I think. They said that they’ll call me back this week when the hiring manager is there, and that I seem like I’m a very friendly person and hope to see me again. I can’t tell if she was saying that because they want to hire me or because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings, I’m going to stay hopeful though! I really don’t want to go back to Wal-Mart… Chick-fil-a was my very first choice so I’m really excited, and I really hope that I got it, I looked them in the eyes, talked to them, told them about what I do at my current job and what I did at my old job. She seemed to like me so hopefully They hire me, I’m very motivated for this job and I plan to work there for a while, I hear it’s a good place to work and I like working in fast food a lot more than I do at Wal-Mart.

     J and I both kinda have baby fever, his is obviously not as strong as mine, but he has it. The other day he sent me a video he was watching of a baby getting excited over a cat. We talked a little bit about what’s gonna happen when we have a baby and when I’m pregnant. We even decided on a new nickname for the baby until we find out what sex the baby is; the nickname is going to be little creature. I’m really hoping this time it works out, I want us to start a family, so does J; at least he says he does.

     I’m having these cravings, all I want to eat is french toast, mashed potatoes, and my moose tracks ice cream. I also kinda want to have cheese pizza, maybe a cheeseburger. I think the french toast and the ice cream is at the top of my list. I don’t even know why I want it so bad, but I feel like I could just eat a whole loaf of breads worth of french toast. I also feel like I could eat the whole carton of the moose tracks ice cream. I don’t usually crave foods like this, so it’s kinda weird, who knows; maybe I’m pregnant? Who knows.

     J and I are doing a little more of the BDSM like I wanted, it’s pretty amazing. I love it when he actually gets in dom/daddy space, it’s amazing and fucking sexy. The other day when I came home he made me get on my knees and give him a blow job while looking up at him. It was literally the sexiest thing he’s ever made me do, I hate giving blow jobs but when he made me do it, I liked it a lot. Then he fucked me while choking me among other things. I loved it, I’m really hoping that it continues.

     Last week J and I went to the zoo with my mom and my youngest sister A. It was absolutely amazing, they had so many birds! I love birds with all my heart, and I even found a cute macaw stuffed animal in the gift shop that I bought. It looked exactly like the one macaw they had, I fell in love with it. There was a really sweet cockatoo there that gave me kisses and kept saying hello to me and let me pet it. They also had a donkey there that cried if you walked away after petting it, and a bear sitting in a tub, and the wolves started howling out of nowhere.

     Also my mother, God I can’t stand her. She took me off her health insurance, and told me I had to reapply, which I understand, but the thing is… I asked for help multiple times, and she keeps saying she’s to busy to help me. Well yesterday, I had a break down because of it. She called me early in the morning and told me I needed to get it done, and was being really mean to me because I didn’t have it done yet, I asked for help and she told me she was busy. So I asked my aunt to help me when she comes home from her vacation. Today she called me asking why didn’t I just let my mom help me yesterday. Turns out she called my mom asking her why I didn’t ask her, my mom told her she offered to help me yesterday; she didn’t offer me help anymore, just told me I have to get it done then hung up on me. Now my aunt thinks I’m a liar, I don’t understand why anyone listens to her she lies all the time.

Our pets

Our pets

     Out of everything J does, this is the only thing that’s really bothering me. His dog is extremely annoying, I love the dog, I really do. It’s just, his dog wont leave my bird alone, and he’s already stressed from the move and this isn’t helping. J isn’t helping with the matter either, he keeps letting the dog get all up in my birds space, letting the dog smell my bird when he’s out of the cage. Though I’ve told him a thousand times I don’t want them in the same room while the bird isn’t n the cage, does he listen to me though? Nope.

     He just tells me that his dog is friendly and wont hurt the bird. I’m not worried about his dog hurting my bird, on purpose. His dog has really bad anxiety and gets excited very quickly, I’m worried about him getting excited and hurting the bird by accident. He just doesn’t think that’s going to happen, and that’s how those things happen. He just assumes everything is going to be okay, and watch, my bird is going to end up getting really hurt or killed because of this. I love this man to death, but he can be stupid sometimes.

     The worse part of it is, we don’t always word the same hours, so sometimes he’s home when I’m not. I’m so scared that when I’m not home he’ll do something stupid with the bird and dog and my bird will get hurt. I may say that the bird is ours, but we both know the bird is really mine. I had the bird longer then we’ve been together and we have a special bond with each other that he doesn’t have with the bird. Plus I don’t think he really sees the bird as a pet with actual feelings since it’s not as “lovable” as his dog.

      Another thing I can’t stand about his dog is that he’s always waking me up! He wakes me up when he barks and barks and barks at the door in the morning, and no matter how much you ignore him, no matter how long, he will NOT go away and give up. He’ll just get more persistent and louder the longer you ignore him. Since I don’t even want the dog in here while I’m sleeping I always make J go let him in, his new favorite thing to do is just leave the door pen so his dog can just go in and out of the room as he pleases. I don’t like this, I love dogs, but I can’t stand it. He’s very annoying, especially with my bird, and I just want to create boundaries with the dog and bird and J just isn’t allowing that to happen.

     Maybe I need to find one of those articles I’ve read on birds and dogs and how bad it can be and show it to him. Who knows that could help him understand why I’m so upset about all of this. I really can’t create the foundries on my own when J is going behind my back and not listening to the boundaries. The longer he lets this go on the more stressed my bird is going to be and the less our pets are going to get along in the long run. He just doesn’t seem to understand that.

     Another thing that bothers me about J and our pets, he gets annoyed when my bird gets loud once in a blue moon. When his dog is loud, all the fucking time. I don’t mean to curse, but seriously its ridiculous how loud the dog is and how often. He barks and every.single.noise. I can’t stand it, they’ve never trained him on that. He can do a bunch of tricks, but he goes to the bathroom in the house, and not always where he’s “supposed” to. He barks at everything, doesn’t listen when told no, and to leave the bird alone, and he never stops barking. I’ve never seen a dog act up so much in person, I just thought it was a joke that some dogs are like this, but nope it’s true with some dogs.

     I haven’t even been able to train my bird all that much, since it refuses to really let me train it. The only things I’ve really trained the bird on is saying “pretty boy” when it wants out of it’s cage (even though I’m pretty sure its a girl, in my defense I didn’t find out until after I taught it to say pretty boy), to be on a harness and leash, and to stop screaming when told to in a specific voice. At least my pet is trained to be told no when it comes to being loud. J doesn’t think so because he doesn’t do the voice right, so the bird doesn’t really listen to him, he’ll get it right one day though. This bird is going to be around for a long while, since she’s only one years old, and they can live up to about 25 years, if not longer.