Work doesn’t require me to do a lot of thinking so I kind of just go off into my own world. I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I’ll most likely never be a mother and what that would do to J and my lives later on. Our entire relationship we’ve always talked about having kids one day, and as you guys know we were almost successful before. The thing is, now I have more information so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be trying to have kids ever again. Who knows though, maybe when we’re older they will have something that could help with my double mutation.
We’ve talked a little bit about other options, like adopting, foster care, maybe a surrogate (we got rid of that idea real fast after reading some things about that option though). We’re pretty young so maybe our minds will change in a few years, but as of now we don’t want to adopt or do foster care. I’m honestly not even sure if we’d get approved for foster care since we both have a documented history of mental illness along with my aspergers. Maybe things will change in a few years, but that’s out decision at the moment.
So as of right now since things look like we aren’t having kids, how do we see our lives going? Well lets talk about some of the bases, we are saving up for a mobile home; that’s kinda been the plan since the beginning but we have briefly talked about getting a house before. After getting our own mobil home we’re going to get some pets of our own, a few dogs and maybe a cat or two. I know for a fact we’re going to get a black lab, I grew up with one and it was the most sweet & loving dog I’ve ever met and I just love the breed. We might get a husky or a pug, we haven’t really decided, I defiantly want a maincoon (a type of cat that gets really big). I’m thinking about getting a turtle or fish- J has been talking about parrot fish a lot lately and I think I want to surprise him with one when we get our own place.
I want to get at least a two bedroom mobil home, that way if we decide to have kids we wont have to find a new place, there’s already a room available. Until we have kids, or if we stick with the not having any, the second room will be a guest room. It’ll be used for our future nieces and nephews, and my little sister A (since she’s only 11 right now).
One upside to no kids? We’ll be able to have sex where ever we want in the house. Plus I wont have to worry about J stopping the DD/LG play if we don’t have kids. Once we have our own home I’m going to try to get J to try some new BDSM stuff we haven’t tried before, or just haven’t done since we stayed in a hotel for a few days a year ago. I really want to try “humiliation” punishments once we have our own place (I’m going to bring it up on our honeymoon and possibly try it then). I’m also thinking, since we wont have kids we’ll be able to do more things together & have more money. Once J finishes paying off his debt (almost there btw!) and we live on our own we can basically do whatever we want. We’ll be able to go away on weekends (camping!) or just walk around the house naked / have sex anywhere (he can bend me over the kitchen counter and fuck me whenever he wants!).
I’m still really upset about not being able to have kids, but at least it’s not all bad. I prefer to have kids to all this, but since it’s not really in our cards, mine as well look at the bright side.