Starting My Own Little Business?

Starting My Own Little Business?

     So I do a lot of knitting, latch hook, and make a lot of pillows. I really enjoy it but I don’t have anything to do with all these things I make, and my family doesn’t ever seem very interested when I give it to them. They just don’t appreciate homemade things, but a few people showed interest in my stuff on Facebook and instagram. So I’m thinking about selling a few of  the pillows I made and a few scarfs, then I’m going to learn how to make a blanket and start selling those also, maybe make pillow and blanket set!

     I really enjoy making these things, and would be pretty cool to earn some money doing something I enjoy. Obviously I wont make it my actual job, it’s just something I would be doing for fun. If I was to do this would anyone on here like to have a look at the website I use once I set it up? I plan to start it after the honeymoon, so keep an eye out after October 28th!!!

What The Hell

What The Hell

     It’s been close to 6 months, maybe a little over 6 months? Since I’ve had my miscarriage, I was just starting to finally move on from it, haven’t talked about it in weeks. Then yesterday at work, five separate people (who all work there but I’ve never talked to, they work in different departments) came up to me and asked me if I had my baby yet… Like it’s been 6 months, I never got big, I never missed weeks of work.

     One thing, actually two things, that really bothered me about it is that the first person to ask me was after I was there for only 10 minutes. I was working with a customer and this cashier comes up to me and goes “Hi Natalie! Have you had that baby yet?” I literally teared up and told them I had a miscarriage like 6 months ago. They looked nervous, apologized and walked away, the customer looked at me and told me that it ruined her day that they just asked me that. The second thing that bothered me? The third, maybe fourth person who asked me, after I told her I had a miscarriage, she said “oh… So they weren’t lying..” apologized, than walked away.

     Were they talking about me and my dead baby? That doesn’t even make sense, I literally only talk to a few people who work in the deli! How would they even know I was pregnant, I never showed, and it’s been 6 months! Like I said before, I never missed multiple weeks of work. They had to of known that I miscarried, it had to be just to mess with me. Sounds paranoid, I know, but this place is truly awful, I really wouldn’t put it past them.

     Am I Just not allowed to move on from this? I’m tired of feeling this empty spot in my chest… I’m supposed to be happy and excited, I’m getting married in October!!! This shouldn’t be on my mind right now; I just bought my wedding dress, I’m looking for shoes, trying to decide what to do with my hair for my wedding. Now I’m having extreme anxiety and sadness over this. I’ll get over it eventually, hopefully before the wedding and honeymoon.

Worried Yet Excited

Worried Yet Excited

      First, I haven’t found a new job yet, which is worrying me very much. I can’t stand it much longer, I’m so close to just walking out. Second, as everyone knows now, I’m getting married on October 20th!!! I’m super excited about it. I can’t wait to start a life and family with J, like everyone knows we’ve been trying for months. Well the thing is, I think I might be now. I don’t want to be pregnant at our wedding, obviously I’m not going to do anything, I want the baby, just hope I’m wrong about possibly being pregnant right now.

     I don’t know why I’m thinking about this so much right now. It’s just seems a lot like the time I was pregnant. Yesterday I ate an entire medium pizza by myself in less than an hour with absolutely no problem, I’m peeing like crazy, I’ve gained a lot of weight fast, my breast have gotten bigger.

     J seems excited about the thought of me being pregnant, he keeps putting his hands on my tummy and making comments about the changes that make it seem like I’m pregnant. I just don’t want to be big when I get married, plus I don’t really want people to think I got married because I’m pregnant. I mean it doesn’t really matter what people think of us, but I just really want it to be perfect. I didn’t really imagine being pregnant when I get married, I assumed we would have a baby before getting married or after getting married.

Wedding / Honeymoon Plans

Wedding / Honeymoon Plans

     So it’s a definite, we’re getting married on the 20th! We’re also going on our honeymoon right afterwards til the 27th! I don’t think I’ve ever been as excited as I am right now, I just can’t believe how happy and excited I am right now. On Friday I’m going with my Aunt and Mommom (grandmother) to get my marriage license since J can’t go with to get it. J has been looking at places to have our honeymoon and he’s finally decided! We’re going to Ocean City MD, which I’m excited about since I’ve never been there before.

     I just can’t believe this is finally happening, I’ve been waiting for this since our first time having sex. When he proposed I was so happy, I thought there was no way that I could ever be happier. Now I’m even happier than I was before, can’t wait until the day we’re actually getting married!

     Even with the problems we have I still can’t see myself with anyone other than him. I know that I could survive without him, I don’t need him to live, but the thing is… I don’t ever want to live without him, he makes everyday life so much better. Life with him is going to be an adventure; I can’t wait to start our lives together officially.

     I need to decide on what rings we should get, and I want to find a dress to wear. J needs to get something nice to wear to it, even if it’s at the courthouse I want us to be dressed nice. J did have a nice dress shirt but I was wearing it to work one day and when I came home he was trying to be kinky and ripped it.. So I threw it away, so that means he needs to get a new dress shirt and a pair of dress pants that actually fit him. I know I want to either get platinum or titanium for the rings, I wanted to get a matching set but there’s no way I could afford that, the cheapest one I could find was like $2000. I found two separate rings that looked a lot alike that were around $100/$200 each, so I think I’m gonna get those.

     Even though the honeymoon is J’s responsibility I was doing some research. I mean he did choose the place and all that but I did look at what to do there in October. I saw tehre’s a maze thing there on the first few days we’ll be there, I really want to do that, I like mazes a lot, it would be a lot of fun to do that with J.

 

We Set A Date

We Set A Date

     J and I have finally set a date to get married! It’s only taken us a little over a year to finally decide on a date. It’s about 3 months away from today though, October 20th! I’m really excited, we aren’t doing anything fancy, just go to the courthouse. We just decided to make it that far away so we have enough tie to plan a honeymoon, get the marriage license, and get the wedding rings.

     We’re going to see my aunt and grandmother this Sunday and I’m gonna ask one of them to go with me to get the marriage license, since J goes to work before the place opens and gets home half an hour before it closes. We live more than half an hour away from it so we’d never be able to get there on time. So we decided I’ll go get the marriage license done, then we’d do the rings together, and my mom and I will go get a dress for me to wear.

     I haven’t been this excited in a while, like… Wow, it’s finally going to happen! I’m going to a wife, and to be specific I’m going to be J’s wife! I can’t wait to be his Mrs. I’m tired of being his over glorified girlfriend, we live together, we do almost everything together. We have our whole life together planned out, what’s really been stopping us from getting married already? I can’t believe this is really happening… I just hope J does a good job planning the honeymoon.

Trying To Conceive

Trying To Conceive

     As everyone here knows J and I have been trying for months to get pregnant. I’m getting really frustrated, and I think J is getting slightly frustrated about it also. I’m just starting to feel really discouraged; it feels like I can’t get pregnant and even if I was able to again I feel as if all it’ll ever end in is a miscarriage. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to me, it’s not like I’m old or anything, I’m only 19… It’s just, feels…. I don’t even know to be honest.

     It’s just frustrated, I went to three seperate high schools, so I know a lot of people, weather I’m friends with them or not doesn’t really make a difference. I’m friends with most of them on facebook and I follow a few of them on instagram. Let me tell you, it’s so irritating, a few of the people got engaged and married after I’ve gotten engaged, A LOT has gotten pregnant, and/or had a baby already. I’ve been engaged for over a year and yet I’m still not married, I live with my fiance’s family. I fucking live with his family, they live on their own. Some even with children.

      I know it’s bad to compare your situations to others, but it’s frustrating, cause I just want this so badly and I’ve been trying so very hard to get these things. I make it very clear with J that I want these things and he says he wants these things also. Though I’m not so sure he wants us to live on our own. The other week  J had a conversation with his mother without even talking to me first. Apparently his mother and him decided that if we stay living here until she dies we can have the place. I thought both J and I have decided that we wanted to buy a house together one day, most likely a town house but still.

     I don’t understand how some of them can even afford what they have. I know a single mom I went to high school with that owns her own house and she just works at a daycare. Especially since she just works at her friends daycare in their house, so how can she afford a house, a car, and a 4 year old? Like what the hell?

     Sorry for ranting, I’m just beyond frustrated and jealous right now. Plus J and I don’t even have sex all that often anymore, we had sex twice last week. I ask for it all the time, but he’s barely ever in the mood anymore, he’s always so tired after work. It doesn’t bother me normally but we’re trying to get pregnant.

Fuck My Current Job

Fuck My Current Job

     So I’m beyond pissed off at Wal-Mart right now. So Saturday they had me close, then had me come in at 9AM yesterday so I can train the new person. That person was litteraly the worse I’ve ever met, first off everyone knows that the manager changed my schedule so I specfically am the person who is training them, and they knew that. The entire time I’m training them on the slicers they were saying I’m lying and that I don’t know what I’m doing! I barely got any sleep Sunday night, didn’t get home until 11:30, had to shower and eat, probably ot to bed around 1:30/2AM.

     So yesterday I was supposed to be going home AT 6PM!!! Guess what happened, the one other person who was at work left for their lunch at 5, the idiot decided to leave the store for their lunch and their car stalled, so they weren’t back at 6. The other person who was supposed to come in a 6 never fucking showed up, didn’t even call out or anything. by 6:05 J was standing near the Deli asking what the hell is going on so I asked him to go get a manager for me, a manager did come back. First they asked me to stay late, until the person on lunch got his car fixed and came back. I told her I didn’t really want to, I told her that I closed last night and I’m ready to go home. She looked me dead in the eyes and said “if you leave you don’t have a job here anymore” then left me there.

     I stayed for 33 minutes before J’s mom came in and started yelling and made me leave. I found the manager that hired me and told her what happened. I left but while walking out of the store she was yelling into her ear piece about it. So hopefully the manager that threatened me gets into trouble. I’m praying I get a call back soon, I really can’t go back there. I’m tired of Wal-Mart, I’m beyond sick of it. That was the last straw, if I wasn’t afraid of not having a job I would just quit and not working until I find a new one. I have no idea how long it would take to find a new job and if I’m prenant or get pregnant I can’t afford to not have a job. I’ll just have to wait until I find a new job and know for sure I have the job. I’m going to have to suck it up and go there, but I’m really not doing anything extra anymore and I’m not training people and I’m calling out when I don’t feel like going in, I’m tired of this shit.