Changes At Work

Changes At Work

    So I work in a warehouse, for the same company as my soon-to-be husband. The only difference is that I work in the other building that deals with the holiday stuff, so I’m technically a seasonal worker. Well today I found out that I’m most likely being changed to a full-time worker at the main building (where J works!) when my building closes after the holidays. So today I went up to the main building to start training (I’m in the same area as J, but we probably will never work in the same mod, we’ll see later on though). I go back again tomorrow for more training, depending on how things are still going at the holiday building (we’re super a head and have barely anything to do over there) I might just end up working in the main building from now on.

     I was really upset at first, I had a mini meltdown last night when they first told me I’d be going to the other building today. As soon as I clocked out and J picked me up I started crying. I was in full on panic mode, there were tears, troubles breathing, thinking of all the bad things that could possibly happen. J and his mom finally were able to calm me down once we got home and he explained to her why I was crying. I was honestly upset this morning also, everything felt wrong and I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t eat breakfast on my first break because it was at a different time than it usually is. I had a really hard time with lunch also because it was half an hour earlier than I usually have it, I managed to eat it all though!

     The job itself though? I absolutely love it! It’s way more repetitive than at the holiday building. Plus it’s a lot less work, no lifting heavy things, no pulling a pallet with you, no making pallets! I was just putting small items in a blue tote and setting it on a conveyor belt! I really hope they keep me at this building, I even got a lot more done at that building then I ever have at the holiday building, and I’d do over 500 tickets at the holiday building! My productivity is defiantly going to be higher than usual if they keep me at this building.

     either way I still see myself working at this place for a long time. If I can help it I think I’d like to work there until I retire or until I die. Unless somehow I can survive being a stay at home mom. Also I was thinking after I’ve ben there for a while I would like to get trained on the equipment that way I would get paid more and it would be nice to have more expierence than just picking if I was to ever have to find anotehr job.

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Thoughts On Our Future

Thoughts On Our Future

     Work doesn’t require me to do a lot of thinking so I kind of just go off into my own world. I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I’ll most likely never be a mother and what that would do to J and my lives later on. Our entire relationship we’ve always talked about having kids one day, and as you guys know we were almost successful before. The thing is, now I have more information so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be trying to have kids ever again. Who knows though, maybe when we’re older they will have something that could help with my double mutation.

      We’ve talked a little bit about other options, like adopting, foster care, maybe a surrogate (we got rid of that idea real fast after reading some things about that option though). We’re pretty young so maybe our minds will change in a few years, but as of now we don’t want to adopt or do foster care. I’m honestly not even sure if we’d get approved for foster care since we both have a documented history of mental illness along with my aspergers. Maybe things will change in a few years, but that’s out decision at the moment.

      So as of right now since things look like we aren’t having kids, how do we see our lives going? Well lets talk about some of the bases, we are saving up for a mobile home; that’s kinda been the plan since the beginning but we have briefly talked about getting a house before. After getting our own mobil home we’re going to get some pets of our own, a few dogs and maybe a cat or two. I know for a fact we’re going to get a black lab, I grew up with one and it was the most sweet & loving dog I’ve ever met and I just love the breed. We might get a husky or a pug, we haven’t really decided, I defiantly want a maincoon (a type of cat that gets really big). I’m thinking about getting a turtle or fish- J has been talking about parrot fish a lot lately and I think I want to surprise him with one when we get our own place.

      I want to get at least a two bedroom mobil home, that way if we decide to have kids we wont have to find a new place, there’s already a room available. Until we have kids, or if we stick with the not having any, the second room will be a guest room. It’ll be used for our future nieces and nephews, and my little sister A (since she’s only 11 right now).

      One upside to no kids? We’ll be able to have sex where ever we want in the house. Plus I wont have to worry about J stopping the DD/LG play if we don’t have kids. Once we have our own home I’m going to try to get J to try some new BDSM stuff we haven’t tried before, or just haven’t done since we stayed in a hotel for a few days a year ago. I really want to try “humiliation” punishments once we have our own place (I’m going to bring it up on our honeymoon and possibly try it then). I’m also thinking, since we wont have kids we’ll be able to do more things together & have more money. Once J finishes paying off his debt (almost there btw!) and we live on our own we can basically do whatever we want. We’ll be able to go away on weekends (camping!) or just walk around the house naked / have sex anywhere (he can bend me over the kitchen counter and fuck me whenever he wants!).

      I’m still really upset about not being able to have kids, but at least it’s not all bad. I prefer to have kids to all this, but since it’s not really in our cards, mine as well look at the bright side.

My New Job

My New Job

     I love my new job, it’s amazing. Today was my second official day working; Monday and Tuesday I had orientation. If you didn’t know, I’m a picker at a warehouse now, we pick things for stores. Yesterday I pick 54 tags for one store, It took me until after my lunch to finish it. After I finished that I started another store that had 85 tags, I got 40 of them done before I had to leave.

      Today I did so much better, I did three stores! I wanted to do a fourth store; but since I’m new to the job I’m not really allowed to stay after 3:00. They had me cleaning up empty boxes since everyone likes to just leave them sitting around taking up space. I accidentally stayed until 3:36 because there’s no clocks and I forgot my watch this morning, I got so into my work I didn’t realize it was so late. No one said anything to me so I don’t think it’s going to be a problem.

      The only problem I have with this job is that there’s only one clock in the entire building. The clock is in the break room and it’s not a digital clock, which makes it even worse! Just to explain I literally cannot read those clocks, I’ve been taught how to read them more times than I can count it just doesn’t stick. Tonight I’m going to get ALL my stuff for work tomorrow together so I don’t forget my watch again. Not being able to read the only clock in the building has made it really difficult to fill out my paperwork that records all the work I’ve been doing, so I defiantly need to take my watch with me.

      For once in my life I actually enjoy my job, I know it’s weird but I really do. There’s routine and it’s simple, full of order, it’s just perfect. This is literally the perfect job for my autistic ass (joke obviously). I never thought I would enjoy a job and be excited to go to work, but here I am, enjoying my job and being excited for work.

       ALSO!!! While at work, I’m not anxious. Usually at my jobs, or school, I’m afraid to do things without constantly asking for reassurance, at this job I feel confident and I have no problem doing my job. I know that I’m just going to get better with time, this is the kind of job I needed! I can’t believe that I didn’t try for this kind of job before and that I was so reluctant to get it.

 

How I see my life with J

How I see my life with J

      I see us doing everything together, I don’t see anything like super out there. I just see us growing old together with our small family we start together.  I see us going to my youngest sisters school stuff like we already do, our favorite thing is her chours concerts; we always record them. I see us doing that with our own children one day.  

      I see us with a bunch of cats and dogs, maybe some more birds, who knows. I see our little house or double wide trailer (I’ve been trying to get him to agree to getting one once we can afford one instead of a house) decorated with pictures of us and our family, paintings, and drawings by our kids or my sister’s. 

      I see us working the way we do now; well the way he does now and the way I will be soon. Monday-Friday at a warehouse, off weekends, off on major holidays. I see family vacations, family movie/game nights, family dinners. I see us living a very family oriented life, how we both always wanted. 

        I see him always being there, never leaving us. I see having my first child with him, him being there during the birth, for all those major moments in our child’s life. I know he’s going to be a better father than mine ever was, than his father ever was. I love him more than anything, I can’t see my life without him. 

I Have A New Job!!!

I Have A New Job!!!

     I have a new job! I now work at a warehouse, I’m a picker. I basically take things out of boxes, put them into boxes, and make a pallet out of it. The funniest thing to me about it is that J is a picker at the bigger building to where I work; the thing is though is that he takes the stuff we put into the boxes out of the boxes and into a blue bin that gets sent off to the store.

     I’m really excited to start my new job, I start on September 11th. I have two days of orientation, then I start training for an entire week before I start to work by myself. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy/excited for a job that isn’t also filled with complete and utter anxiety. I can’t believe I’ll finally be working in a warehouse, no customers, good pay, full-time.

     I’m especially excited to be working for the same company that J works for, even though we aren’t in the same building right now. We do have a chance of eventually working in the same building, it’s not a definite, but a possibility. I missed working for the same company as J like we used to, even if it’s not the same building.

     Oh and lets not forget about the fact that I’ll be working the same hours everyday I work! No more having to check my schedule, no more going in at 11 one day, then going in at 8 the next! I’ll always be going in at 6:30AM, though the time I get off may change depending on how busy we are, I’ll always go in at the same time! I love routine, probably because of my autism, this is something I need in my life. Even though school was stressful, I functioned better as a human while in school because of the structured times. This job has structured times, and that’s what I need and I’ll finally be getting it again. Plus with the weekends off and holidays!

     Anyways I just wanted to gloat about my new job. I’m so happy and excited, I’ve always wanted a job like this. OH! Also I’ll finally be making $12.45 an hour!!!

My Autism Or My Anxiety?

My Autism Or My Anxiety?

     I honestly can’t tell the difference between my autism anxiety or my regular anxiety. I am just constantly anxious about anything and everything, my chest constantly hurts, and I want to sleep during the day and be up all night. Last night I was up until 1:30 AM working on my novel, because I was to anxious to sleep. I’m extremely freaked out about all this change that’s happening.

  • New job
  • Getting Married
  • Not living with my mom
  • My dad trying to be in my life

    Some of these things aren’t even new, I’m just now starting to deal with them. I have no idea why I’m so anxious about all this, most of it is actually really good. I should be happy and excited, not sitting here having trouble with sleeping, nauseous and everything else.

     All this anxiety is probably because of my autism. I mean why else would I be having this much anxiety over change. Regular people don’t get this messed up over change. Hopefully all this will go away soon, the anxiety I mean.

     I keep repeating my safe numbers in my head and trying to remind myself that I’m real. Though I don’t feel very real, like this is all a dream, or I’m a ghost that took over a body. Maybe that’s why I can’t remember most things from before middle school.

 

Goodbye Wal-Mart

Goodbye Wal-Mart

     So I went to hand in my notice on Saturday, and guess what happened? The manager already hired my replacement… Before I knew if I had to job or not. Want to know why? Because the new Deli manager told the manager that I’ve been being nasty to her and refusing to do anything she asks me to. Guess what they were about to do to me. Fire me.

     I’ve been there for 7 months, never gotten into trouble, never had a complaint about me from a customer or another worker. But if a new manager complains about me obviously I’m the problem and need to be fired. I’m so beyond pissed, I didn’t even show up yesterday and I’m not going to show up today.

     I just can’t believe that I’ve worked so hard for them. I always made sure that everything  was done, I stayed after my shift all the time, I clocked in early. They were just going to fire me? Leave me without a job before my wedding? I just can’t believe!